From Type A to Type Ahh

Be the Change You Wish to See in the World – Ghandi


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The Not So Pretty Truth

Truth

So I guess the whole reason that we, people, try new things, adopt resolutions, set goals is to be a better version of ourselves.  At least that is true for me.  A better version for me means a more present, calmer, and compassionate person.  I have been working on that.  It means letting go of  a lot.  For a self-proclaimed, and let’s be honest, other proclaimed uptight perfectionist it isn’t easy.

Again more honesty.  I was feeling pretty good about my progress.  I am less reactive, I do notice when I am acting out of judgement, etc.  For god sake I meditate!  Then I decided to set limits on my phone.  What no one tells you about the road to a better you is that you walk a lot of it in the harsh light of day with the current version of you.  I have to say limiting my phone has been harder than meditating everyday.  A fact I am not proud of!  Could I really be so dependent on some small metal and glass device.  Sadly, the answer is yes.

I had a couple of hurdles to overcome.  The first is well-known and often written about FOMO – Fear of Missing Out.  Without accessing social media for a month and not accessing my phone for several days a week once I leave work, I felt two things I was unprepared for: anxiety and guilt.  Anxiety came from the fear of not being responsive to a work issue that might rise.  It had been a long time since I physically and mentally left the office.  It felt strange.  I somehow felt unmoored.  What was going on at the office and if I was not fixing it who was?  Yeah I know right? Ego much?  I had kind of taken a lot of pride in being the always available hero of my own narrative.

The other issue of guilt took me more by surprise.  I felt really guilty being home and setting that boundary between work and home.  They had inadvertently over the years melted into one thing. I am home but mentally tethered to my work umbilical cord courtesy of Apple.  Why was I feeling guilty about leaving work at work and trying to be present with my husband, family, friends and cats?  As if that question was not bad enough.  I found an even worse one.  Why wasn’t I guilty about all the time I was not being physically and mentally present at home and in my relationships?

Well the struggle is real, and the truth can be ugly.  Until we look it dead in the eyes and set the phone to airplane mode.  Still on the uncertain road to better version of myself.  One missed tweet at a time!


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Pulling Away from the Phone in 2018

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It is that time to set my Year Goal.  I won’t be starting resolutions, because I believe they are too restrictive and we shoot for things that may not be attainable.  At least that is how it works for me.  It may not be the case for you.  Last year I had a lot of success and ended up achieving some additional benefits from the goal to meditate everyday, whether for 1 minute or 30 minutes.

This year I gave a lot of thought to my big goal for 2018.  It has to do with my phone.  I think, like the simple concept to meditate, this goal may also come with some ancillary benefits.  In short my goal is to be less dependent on my phone.  How am I going to work toward this goal?  I have already begun but I will share my pretty simple plan.

  1. The month of January I am on a Social Media break (no Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or LinkedIn).  If people want to connect with me they will have to do it the of-fashioned way…Text. LOL
  2. On Tuesday and Thursday night after I get in from work I put my phone on airplane mode.  I believe I have finally realized that I don’t have to be available to everyone 24 hours a day.  Instead I am choosing to be fully available to the people and cats who mean the most to me, by not being tethered to my phone.
  3. On Saturday I am not taking my phone with me when hubby and I go out or if I do it will be in Airplane mode as a just for emergencies thing.

These  may not seem like life altering changes.  Like meditation last year, I started small and gained big insights that I built on.  I suspect this will be similar.  I hope your 2018 is off to a mindful and present start.

 


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Happy New Year

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So 2017 is coming to an end.  It has been a good year and I have definitely made progress toward becoming less of a Type A personality.  I would not say the road has been smooth, without detours, nor have we reached the Nirvana destination.  I will reserve my next steps in the New year post for 2018.  Today I want to say Happy New year and thanks to those who have read about my journey and whose journeys I have enjoyed following.

In closing I will hit a few highlights from this year.

  1. Today is day 405 of consecutive meditation.  I can say I don’t think I have ever done anything that has been as personally life changing. It is now an indelible part of my life.
  2. Cultivating a gratitude attitude.  There have been ups and downs.  I write this right now and I am waiting for the third day for my landlord to fix our backed up sewer I am finding it a struggle to focus on gratitude.  I know that I have a home during the polar vortex.  I have heat and I have someone to celebrate the new year with.  My hubby, myself and our kitties are healthy.  In general my husband and I have embraced starting our meals with three things we are grateful for.  So I am better at being able to find those things even if it does not completely stop my frustration.  I suspect hubby and I will continue this.
  3. I found my way back to vegetarianism very organically which I did not expect.  When you start recognizing and acting from your priorities things seem to more naturally align.
  4. I have cleared out some physical clutter, but still my husband and I added some purchases to our lives and homes. I am still not entirely sure where that line is for me.  It is ever a work in progress.  I do find myself asking more questions about whether we really need something.
  5. Lastly, I finally actually really pulled the trigger on volunteering outside my career field.  It has been really rewarding.  I find it has given me much more than I have given.

Tomorrow will be a day to focus on this year’s shortcomings and how to improve.  For today Happy New Year!  I hope you are looking back at the progress you made with a peaceful and happy heart.


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Merry Christmas

 

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Hubby and I last week at the Jeff Galloway Half

It is Christmas today and I hope everyone is enjoying time and making memories with their families.  This has been a pretty successful slow Christmas for me.  I thought I would take a moment to wish you all a happy holiday and record, mostly for me what made this holiday successful.

  1. Hubby and I don’t do gifts.  What we do instead is both take off the end of the year for his school break.  We spend time together and are able to slow down and fully appreciate all that we have, especially each other.
  2. Even though I was fortunate enough to be invited to a couple of parties, some I even intended to go to, I ended up saying no to all of them.  A snow storm pushed back the minimal Christmas activities I had to accomplish and I did not want to experience that harried Christmas rush.
  3. We don’t really do gifts for anyone, instead we donate to charities that mean something to them.
  4. Christmas is for children, and it is certainly the most fun to shop for kids.  Since hubby and I do not have kids we adopt a kid for Christmas from the local Boys and Girls Club.  It is fun to see if we can fulfill their Christmas list within the program’s budget cap.
  5. Listening to Christmas Music, taking  walk through the lights in your neighborhood costs zero dollars but provides the warm holiday glow.
  6. Spoil our cats.  This is where we fall down on the minimalism train. Our cats are spoiled, super spoiled.  They have floor to ceiling posts in almost every room, beds and toys.  I guess at its heart minimalism clears the way for what is important.  To hubby and I, that is our cats.  Also though they have a lot now, all 5 are rescues who were thrown away like trash, by someone else.
  7. Kept up my healthy habits.  You don’t have to spend money to enjoy the holidays but being healthy really helps.  I always found time to run and meditate.  Returning to a vegetarian diet really helped keep holiday over-indulgence to a minimum.  Left some room and calories for the occasional glass of wine too.

I hope you and yours are happy and healthy this Christmas and ready to start 2018.  Merry Christmas.

 


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What I Learned from Winter Storm Benji

I live in Georgia and I have off and on since I was 12 years old.  Mostly on, if you must know.  Two weeks ago I experienced something I have never experienced in 36 years here.  We got 10-inches of snow.  As you can see it was quite beautiful.  I should be writing about the majesty of this once in a southern girl’s lifetime experience.  I wish I could say that I was able to let go of being out of power for nearly 3 days and surrender to the moment.  That would not really be the truth.  If I am being perfectly honest there was good and bad out of the experience and it served to further teach me both, how far I have come and how far I have left to go.  I believe our whole life is a work in a progress.  Sometimes we feel like we are nailing it and sometimes we feel like we are being nailed by it.

To say the region was somewhat unprepared for an actual snow storm is an understatement.  We are usually a rumor of snow, strip the shelves of bread and milk kind of people in Atlanta.  This time was different.  We were coming off a few years of anticipated winter events that never were.  Even our usually jacked up local meteorologists had a “chill it is just flurries” vibe as the models rolled in hinting at a more serious event.  Well the snow started falling Friday morning and by 10 AM businesses and schools were issuing early closings.  I was excited about a weekend snowed in with hubby and my cats though a little frustrated that it might put me further behind my chill holiday schedule.  That changed pretty much as I slid into our garage after a challenging ride home.  I think I was in the door 5 minutes when our power went out for the first time.  This time it as out a little less than 4 hours.

When it came back I was grateful.  I was so nervous about my husband making it home because they dismissed elementary school last.  I was truly grateful when he pulled up even though I had to yell out that the garage door would not work because we had no power.  Still we were able to enjoy a run in big fluffy snow.  This is not the kind we ever see.  I could fully immerse myself in that.  The power remained on that evening and I felt a sense of gratitude and peace that you get when you realize the riches of having a home and all of your loved ones safe.

Long story short we awoke at 4 AM Saturday to a cold house and no power.  It had gone out sometime during the night as snow continued to accumulate all night, into the morning.   There were catastrophic power outages, icy and snowy roads.  We were without power until Sunday evening at 7 PM.  This turned out to be earlier than many folks were restored.  I would like to say that I handled it all in stride.  I was frustrated and aggravated.  I had cold kitties, a dark house, dwindling battery on my cellphone, no knowledge of how to disengage my garage doors, and little to no food in the house.  The frustration was definitely a companion.  I will say, though I had moments of frustration, I was calmer than I would have been in the past.  I was able to meditate, I was able to recognize we still had much, even without power.  In all of this there was gratitude to be found.

My Winter Storm Benji Gratitude List

  1. We had a house, even a cold one.
  2. The cats, though cold, were eating and using each other and us to keep warm
  3. We had costs, gloves, blankets, flashlights, batteries, a boom box, and candles
  4. The Chinese place that delivered every tofu dish on their menu on Saturday through the snow.
  5. My husband.  He chipped away ice on the driveway, set up a kitty snow camp, and reminded me of what truly good partners we are.
  6. My mom who kept calling and checking in and told us how to disengage our garage doors
  7. We could turn on the cars to warm the kitties and charge our phones
  8. A gas stove that allowed us to make tea and coffee
  9. Wine, enough said.
  10. Social media.  That may sound weird but during the storm social media made us feel connected to friends and family some offering help and a place to warm up, some comparing our new Little House on the Prairie lifestyles.  Also it helped us keep up to date with the power issues and road conditions.

All in all we made out okay.  When the power came back on and ever since I have been more cognizant of how truly easy our lives really are.  I am also grateful to all the lineman, who were probably also out of power but slept in their trucks, drove in dangerous conditions, and did dangerous work to get power restored.

 

 

 


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Slow Holidays

christmas-tree-and-lights-1140x641 Is this time of year like all the songs say?  Happiness and joy fill the air, you spend cool winter nights laughing with loved ones and sharing time.  If you are like most people this time of the year makes you question where this imagery even came from.  It can seem like an endless blur of obligations, errands, over spending and over indulging.  Probably one of the reasons New Year’s resolutions are so popular; we feel the need to cleanse and relax after the hustle and bustle.  That is what I used to think about the holidays too.  Last year, moved by recent events, my husband and decided Christmas would be different.  I wanted to bring happiness, peace and comfort and so did he.  We decided no gifts for or from anyone but we did make charitable donations to causes and organizations that meant something to the recipients. We also adopted a child for the holidays from boy and girls club and we gave items on the wish list of Good Mews, the shelter where I volunteer.  I have to say for the first time in many years I really felt the holiday spirit.

This year we are doing another slow, giving holiday.  We don’t spend every free minute attending holiday parties, because we are not really party people.  Instead we are going to see some local theatre, walk and run through Christmas lights and spending time together.  Hubby gets his Christmas break from school.  Because work is so slowat this time of the year, I usually take off nearly 2 weeks also.  It is a great time to reconnect.  No gifts again this year, but more charitable giving.  This year I will be giving a person clean drinking water on behalf of each of my friends and family.  You can find out more at Charity Water.  For each $30 donation you provide clean water to one person in the world.  What could be a better gift?  With our recent switch to vegetarianism I think we have a handle on the usual over indulgences.  I will bake some cookies, but not 12 dozen like past years.  I want to enjoy the experience.  Being more mindful and slowly baking a few cookies to share while listening to my favorite holiday music will make them more special for me and those I share them with.  On a side note I don’t have to fear the after Christmas bills and my husband and I can use the money we would have used to buy more stuff we don’t need to finish paying for the trip we are taking to the Bahamas in February.

I hope you all find time for what is truly important this holiday season!

 


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Happy Holidays

I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving.  It is a good time to reflect on all we have.  Ironic that it is also the kickoff of the biggest consumerism season.  Last year hubby and I decided to forgo all of that consumerism and instead decided to only make charitable donations.  1368188349-Gratitude

Our plan will be similar this year.  We are however going to go in with my sister and get my mother a new recliner that has built-in heat and massage to help her rheumatoid arthritis.  I think that kind of conscience consumerism is still consistent with our beliefs.  It was amazing last year doing this.  It brought back all the joy of the holiday season that I felt I lost.  I am someone who loves the holidays. I love running through the neighborhood Christmas lights every morning.  I love cooking and listening to classic Christmas music on Pandora that reminds me of when I was a kid.  I love taking time off to just be with my husband.  I love driving home and walking in the door as it gets dark.  This time of year just makes home that much homier.  Somehow the endless to do list and purchasing unneeded items overtook all the positives of the season for years.

We have decided to reclaim the things about this time of year that make it magical.  It starts with realizing we have everything we need right here and now.  Not one thing that makes the holidays for me costs any money.  They all unfold right here on their own.  I hope this holiday season is full of magic and gratitude for you and your loved ones.  Sing while you cook, laugh with loved ones, eat good food, and think about how you might use this time of the year to make it better for someone else.  I think that is the true spirit of the holidays.