So I have not written in a while. In part because I have not had time. By that I mean I have been prioritizing other things and not doing a great job of prioritizing what really matters. You may know the feeling. I hate that feeling of busyness without real direction or results. I think I can easily find myself lost in that when I fail to live in the present moment.
Yes, I am still meditating every day. In those moments I feel fully present. The last couple of weeks maintaining that feeling outside of meditation has been a challenge. I am not sure why. I do know I have been feeling a little burnt out and when that happens I usually fall back on the drug of busyness to drown out that feeling. I know I should be asking myself why I feel burnt out. Part of me is scared to ask that. What if I get an answer? If I get one it may be hard or difficult to do something to fix it.
I don’t know if this ever happens to you? It is sometimes easier to standstill in a painful position than to make an uncomfortable journey to a place where you will be more at peace and happier. I don’t mean to make it sound like I am not doing anything about it or I am just going to stand by until passes. It is taking more effort to move forward.
Enough whining. What am I actually doing? Of course I still have meditation. It is really an anchor for me as I move forward. I have also been refocusing on gratitude. Even taking more time to really reflect on my day while I prepare dinner so when hubby and I share our gratitude for the day they are real and not just the same old same old. I am trying to revive my just say no project. Probably one of the hardest things for me. That is a post all in itself. I am getting back to the gym in addition to my regular running. I had gotten lazy about reading and found myself watching more TV; and sitting around. That is about making a better choice, which is hard if you feel burnt out. Will power and discipline are the first to go. I have ramped up volunteering. I know that seems counterintuitive to the whole busyness thing, but I think connecting to purpose and giving back helps to take us out of our self-absorbed focus.
What do I need to do? I need to listen more and talk less. What is that whole 2 ears one mouth thing, right? I need to be less defensive and reactive when I feel threatened. I need to disconnect from my phone more. I embarrassed to say this remains my biggest challenge! Ugh. I need to try to stay in the present moment and silence my internal planner. I wish all of that was easier. But I keep going. Hope things are going well for you!