From Type A to Type Ahh

Be the Change You Wish to See in the World – Ghandi


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Checking in and Getting Back on Track

busy

So I have not written in a while.  In part because I have not had time. By that I mean I have been prioritizing other things and not doing a great job of prioritizing what really matters.  You may know the feeling.  I hate that feeling of busyness without real direction or results.  I think I can easily find myself lost in that when I fail to live in the present moment.

Yes, I am still meditating every day.  In those moments I feel fully present.  The last couple of weeks maintaining that feeling outside of meditation has been a challenge.  I am not sure why.  I do know I have been feeling a little burnt out and when that happens I usually fall back on the drug of busyness to drown out that feeling.  I know I should be asking myself why I feel burnt out.  Part of me is scared to ask that.  What if I get an answer?  If I get one it may be hard or difficult to do something to fix it.

I don’t know if this ever happens to you?  It is sometimes easier to standstill in a painful position than to make an uncomfortable journey to a place where you will be more at peace and happier.  I don’t mean to make it sound like I am not doing anything about it or I am just going to stand by until passes.  It is taking more effort to move forward.

Enough whining.  What am I actually doing?  Of course I still have meditation.  It is really an anchor for me as I move forward.  I have also been refocusing on gratitude.  Even taking more time to really reflect on my day while I prepare dinner so when hubby and I share our gratitude for the day they are real and not just the same old same old.  I am trying to revive my just say no project.  Probably one of the hardest things for me.  That is a post all in itself.  I am getting back to the gym in addition to my regular running.  I had gotten lazy about reading and found myself watching more TV; and sitting around.  That is about making a better choice, which is hard if you feel burnt out.  Will power and discipline are the first to go.  I have ramped up volunteering.  I know that seems counterintuitive to the whole busyness thing, but I think connecting to purpose and giving back helps to take us out of our self-absorbed focus.

What do I need to do?  I need to listen more and talk less.  What is that whole 2 ears one mouth thing, right?  I need to be less defensive and reactive when I feel threatened.  I need to disconnect from my phone more.  I embarrassed to say this remains my biggest challenge! Ugh.  I need to try to stay in the present moment and silence my internal planner.  I wish all of that was easier.  But I keep going.  Hope things are going well for you!


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Another Birthday

images-of-birthday-cakes-HD2

So truth be told I am not really a birthday kind of girl.  First of all  I am not that fond of being the center of attention, especially for no other reason than I apparently survived another year.  I don’t like parties, not a huge fan of balloons, and have really no sweet tooth so I don’t enjoy desserts. Also there may be some things from back in my childhood that made birthdays a less than stellar experience.  For that reason  birthday festivities are something I usually let pass by.

This year when my husband asked what I wanted for my birthday I did something different.  Usually, I just say nothing and we do nothing or have a quiet dinner, which is fine too.  Or I tell him something very specific he drives to get it instead of me.  This year as we celebrate 26 years together, my last year in my 40s and our 20th wedding anniversary, I told him what I wanted for my birthday was for him to think of me and do what he thought I would like or enjoy.  This should not be a mystery.  I mean we have been together a long time and spoiler alert, I am not an enigma.  In fact with the exception of Dustin Hoffman’s character in Rainman and a Military drill Sargeant I might be the most regimented person in the world.  See my previous blog on discipline.

I think at first he was a little lost, I mean I am pretty regimented; he was prepared to hear from me what he always heard.  Flash forward to yesterday, my birthday.  He knocked it out of the park.  Yesterday morning as he handed me the gifts he had put together he had perfectly woven together a set of gifts that enable and improve my daily morning routine of 4:30 AM run followed by meditation.  The gifts don’t really matter and don’t need to be listed.  What matters is how perfectly me they were.  How they addressed these small things that I have just tossed off in our daily discussions.  I don’t harp on them I don’t go on and on.  Ladies, here is the swelling music part, he was listening.  All of this time he was listening and remembering and thinking about how these small things would change the most pivotal part of my day.

After I opened the gifts, which I loved, and which do all the things I mentioned above. I realized that I got what I was really asking for.  I got someone to see me.  To really see who I am and what is important to me.  I don’t think there can be a better gift than knowing the person you share the most intimate moments of life with really gets you.  That made it the most perfect birthday!